Living life through the little things
Did you ever get stuck in a life rut? Read on to find out how this phase helped me gain a new perspective!
Sometimes, a peculiar smell can trigger memories. Sometimes, a song can take you to another place, reminding you of those people and the past. You can’t go back in time (yet), but you can relive those memories over and over again, through the words, through the flashbacks and the emotion.
Do you ever go back to those memories and a part of you wants to change it? Maybe rewrite an old story. Today I am here, sharing an old story from my book.
I moved away from home 4 years back, to a completely new country. Fast forward to 2019, my working visa was about to expire and it was almost time to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready for it. I had hopes that I will get invited to be a Permanent resident, I didn’t get the invite. I thought maybe another student visa was the only viable option at this stage. Two days before the expiration of my visa, the HR emailed higher management that I won't be legally allowed to work or stay in the country if I didn’t get my visa by 5pm that day.
I was confused. Should I wait and hope? (I even considered praying). Or is it time to pack my bags and say goodbye to a place that I have accepted as my new home. There wasn’t much time to give notice to everyone I knew here. There were so many faces I would miss, slowly I was lost reminiscing the days that were.
It happened, I did get my student visa. That was my only ticket to stay. I decided to accept fate and be grateful in the moment. I wasn’t willing to give up yet. I could feel it, I was so close. 12 days after the day my work visa was supposed to expire, I got my invitation — condition being I am still living and working here. I bet on myself and didn’t lose.
Now, this was a happy ending to the story. Call it luck, fate or sheer coincidence, it had a good end. My visa was the ticket to quit my job. I had been pushing — few more days, weeks which had turned to months. I was stuck in a lull. A job that no longer brought me happiness or a sense of purpose, just money. The office politics was looking out to be a scene from Big Brother/Big Boss. There were more “thrown under the bus” than “saved the day” happening. Maybe every job has its cons, but I wanted to move. Move ahead, move on.
It has been six months to the job hunt. I did get an attractive offer but I declined it because, in the moment, I was too scared of the unknown. What if I suck? What if I get fired in a month? THIS is comfortable. THIS is safe. This is also something I loathe but this seems easier than taking a risk. Future me says, I should have taken that risk.
Connecting the first part of the story and the past, I wasn’t sure what will get me out of this lull. So inspired by this Bollywood movie, I was channelling my inner-hero and decide to fix my bad karma. Maybe bad things are happening to me because I made some really bad choices in the past.
This was my chance to repent. I can’t change the past but I can make peace with it. I can fix the present and most of all, I needed to forgive myself for the person I was in the past. I needed the people I hurt to forgive me, so I could take off the weight I had been holding on to for years.
Back in college (2014), I never liked this one girl. I had really stupid reasons to justify my dislike, but most of it was jealousy and insecurity. She moved to the same country six months after I did, and I wasn’t nice about it. I decided to be indifferent but while talking to a mutual friend, I said it out loud. I was ready to speak this girl and ask her to let go of the past. To forgive me for the person I was and join me on a fresh start.
This was hard. My ego wasn’t happy about it. I felt squeezy but I needed to do this. And I did. I called her up. Twice. She didn’t pick up. But then she texted me back after an hour. She had my number and taking the cue, I called her again. She didn’t pick up my call, for the third time. I had given up. My ego was winning. I couldn’t let evil win over good. Not on the day of Dusshera.
She called me back. I summoned the courage and said all that was in my heart. I was naive and immature, my emotions got the worst of me then. But the person she was speaking to was mature and took the blame. I decided to forgive myself while seeking forgiveness for the person I wronged. It was in that moment, I felt more human.
Sometimes, we pay too much attention to the big things —a fancy car, a high-paying job, a large group of friends, an active social life. But we forget that life is made up of these beautiful little moments. Making someone laugh with your lame joke, helping someone out when they really needed your support, sharing happiness through sharing food, feeding a strayed animal, having a light conversation with a stranger. It is all those moments that make our day shine.
So today, I urge you to do something small; a gentle act of kindness whatever it maybe. Do something for someone with no expectations, even if that someone includes you. WRITE that shit down. And whenever the rut brings you down, look at the list and relive those joyous memories. You are not your job title, there are things above what pays your bills that define you.
Hope this story brought you joy. If not, well here’s an ad that might! :)
